The United States of America will be 233 years old come July 4, 2009. In honor of this most American of all holidays, I recommend making it a truly family friendly fun filled festival by finding a loyal subject of the British Crown and subjecting them to salvo after salvo of bottle rockets. This is an activity suitable for all ages and its sure to make your 4th the most memorable in years.
Fourth Of July Party Planner:
- Head to your closest theater or tea and crumpets establishment.
- Begin a conversation with a loyal subject of the British Crown. (Tip – look for their bad teeth to spot’em)
- Invite said loyal subject of the British Crown over to your designated 4th of July party place and promise them a time they’ll always remember (Tip – don’t leer at their womenfolk as they can be squeemish)
- Stop by a local Burger King and see if you can’t get you some of those cardboard crowns.
- When your quarry (loyal subject of the British Crown) arrives, lavish them with gifts including a frosty beverage, a hotdog, and a burger if available.
- Suggest your quarry don the BK crown you picked up.
- Once s/he has placed the crown on their head, shout in your best deliverance voice “Traitor – Let’s Get Him/Her!”
- Proceed to allow quarry to run away to give him/her a sporting chance.
- Light bottle rockets and aim for his/her lilly white brit ass.